There are many traits and habits that any child needs to become a successful adult. They need determination, persistence, self-esteem, a willingness to work hard, and a sense of responsibility. Of course, this is besides having come from a pleasant home with loving parents that support and guide them. But one of the most important traits is an acute sense of “True” self-confidence. This differs from just regular old self-confidence. Everyone wants to feel confident. However, there is no shortcut to achieving confidence. It will always be a work-in-progress for someone who struggles with self-confidence, and some days will be better than others.
“True” self-confidence is, without a doubt, one of the two most important traits that a child, any child, needs to help them achieve success at all levels of their life. The benefits listed below will help them avoid becoming the target of a bully. It will help propel them forward in school and onward into the adult world. It will help them become a successful adult.
“True” Self-Confidence, and Self-Esteem are both necessary for a child to be ready to face the world. This article deals with “True” Self Confidence. There are two different categories of self-confidence: “True” self-confidence and False self-confidence. One will help your child to avoid becoming a target of bullies. The other will almost assuredly make them one. So, it is critically important to make this one of the focal points in any anti-bullying effort on your part for your child’s benefit.
To build “True” self-confidence, a child also needs the help of Mom and Dad. You need to make sure that you are there for them, regardless of the situation. Being berated for having to endure being bullied is the last thing any child wants to have happened. They are already feeling down because of being bullied. You need to make sure they know you do not think less of them.
In my book, “My Do’s and Don’ts for Raising a Bully-Proof Child” I describe how and what as a parent you need to know about helping your child to develop “True Self-Confidence”. I show you what “To Do” and what “Not To Do”. Unfortunately, this is not as intuitive as you might think. Many well-intention-ed parents just make the situation worse through ignorance of what to do that would help. This is what I teach you in my book on how to Bully-Proof your child. I base the advice that I offer upon 60+ years of common sense experience with bullying. I have personal experience with every single suggestion that I offer. I know for a fact that they work.
So when you plan your Anti-Bullying efforts, do not forget about “True” self-confidence. There is no substitution for it.
Some additional benefits of true self-confidence are;
• Being more attentive
• Getting better grades in school
• Performing better in athletics
• Being more popular
• Higher level of responsibility
• More empathetic
• Helping to manage their fears
• Maintaining a positive mental attitude
• Better able to withstand the challenges of peer pressure
• More pride in their physical appearance
Here is one more benefit to increasing a child’s “True” self-confidence. As human beings, we are gifted with neuroplasticity. This is the ability to form new neurons and synapses in our brains (no matter what our age) and we can change how the neurons in our brains connect, thus creating new thinking patterns. We can also increase this by taking turmeric, a common seasoning available in most drugstores. It stimulates your brain to produce Brain-Derived Neurotransmitter Factor (BDNF). This is a cell that helps your brain to produce more neurons (Brain Cells) and synapses (The pathway for cells to communicate with each other.).
Over time, this can help to increase your intelligence and improve your memory. It does this by creating an alternative way of thinking; you create a different emotional response to situations. You can create a level of self-assuredness along with an appropriate emotional response to a situation that you did not feel comfortable in before. “True” self-confidence can help your child’s brain to create new neurons and synapses within their brain because of a new way of thinking about a problem and how to handle it.
Conversely, growing up with little to no “True” Self-Confidence can have a seriously negative effect on your child’s brain. It can create problems that they normally would not have to deal with. It can seriously limit their ability to learn or to become productive members of society, and we all want and need to be accepted as valuable members of society.
So, as you can see, there are several positive things about having a high level of “True” self-confidence. The higher your level of “True” self-confidence, the less likely you will be to suffer from depression, which can have a wholly distinct set of problems by itself.
True self-confidence is based on actual accomplishments. We could base these upon athletics, academics, extra-curricular activities, a hobby, or even social activities. The bottom line is that it must be something that requires extra effort to continually improve. Learning how to walk or talk or ride a bicycle, or even drive a car are all examples of accomplishments.
But, so is learning how to play chess or learning more about using a computer, or learning how to write a book. These are all examples of accomplishments. As you grow older and tackle more complex challenges. Your “True” self-confidence will increase with each new accomplishment. I am 72 as of this writing and I still look for new challenges every single day because of my love of learning. Once you learn something. It is yours forevermore. But you still have the knowledge that you used to initially obtain those items.
These seven items will help you better understand the advantages of “True” Self-confidence.
• Increased sense of self-worth: the more self-confidence a person has, the more they value themselves and their abilities. And this creates that “hold your head up high” feeling in life!
• More happiness and joy in life: the more self-confident you are, the happier you are with yourself and the more you enjoy what life offers. It’s that simple!
• Less fear and anxiety: when confidence is high, you can accept, adapt, learn, gain, and benefit from any situation in life. In this way, you naturally replace fear and anxiety with greater confidence in yourself and your capabilities.
• Freedom from social anxiety: the more secure you feel in your self-worth, the less worried you’ll be about what others think of you in social situations — this allows you to enjoy people more freely.
• More peace of mind and less stress: freedom from self-doubt, fear, and anxiety naturally translates into greater peace of mind and more stress-free life.
• More energy and motivation to act: the more confident you are that you can achieve the things you want to achieve (like personal goals or dreams), the more motivated and energized you are to take action to achieve them!
• Greater success: in case it’s ever been a mystery why self-confident people are more successful, now you know! Each of these benefits above will help you achieve the things you want to achieve faster and more easily, which means you will enjoy more success in life.
False Self-Confidence
The other type of self-confidence that I hinted at in the beginning of this article is what I classify as “False” Self-Confidence.” This comes from being told many times that you are “So good looking” or “So smart” or many other personal attributes that are not based upon actual accomplishments or reality.
We do not base them on putting a substantial amount of effort into improving their performance. We base very few compliments on natural attributes. Participation trophies or being popular are good examples of “False” Self-Confidence. All your children had to do to receive one is to show up and be breathing or just be well-liked.
The (Ugly) Truth Behind False Confidence
The following is courtesy of the Center for Organization Management Effectiveness. (CMOE)
“The actor who does not think he needs his script suffers from false confidence also called overconfidence. This can be because of one of three misconceptions: over-estimation, over-precision, or over-placement.
• Over-estimation is an inflated belief in a chance of success or level of control. This can also be the belief that a task is easier than it is. The actor may have believed that it would be easier to improvise his lines than it was, leading him to think he had everything under control.
Likewise, an overconfident person might ride a motorcycle without a helmet or drive without a seat belt, firmly believing that they can handle any driving situation—and that it’s not that far.
In business, we may take success as a sign of something that we will complete faster given or assumed that it really will (this is the “planning fallacy”). In leadership, we might convince ourselves that subordinates will be fully obedient (an illusion of control). This happens most often when a task is hard, or when the estimator has little experience in a field.
• Over-precision is an inflated belief in one’s own knowledge. Maybe the actor believed he knew his lines well enough and did not need to practice further. Likewise, in our daily lives, we sometimes pretend to possess knowledge that we don’t have. Studies have shown that this phenomenon occurs more frequently when the knowledge is more difficult and the topic is less familiar.
• Over-placement is an inflated belief in one’s own abilities, especially in relation to the abilities of others. The actor may think he’s smarter than the others, and thus reduced needs to practice. This is perhaps the most visible sign of overconfidence, and it’s tied to vanity: over-placed people often feel a need to show off or convince others they are right.
Wrestling with a Lack of Confidence
Fear follows a similar pattern to false confidence, but in just the opposite direction. It comes in two forms: lack of preparation and a perceived lack of preparation. Maybe an individual is under-prepared for something, but that often leads them to confidently proclaim, “I can’t do that.” When we suffer from under-estimation, under-precision, and under-placement, we feel unsure of the outcome, not knowing if we can succeed or not. That lack of stability, that tension, leaves us in a state that undermines our ability to give a confident “yes” or “no.”
It’s important to note that confidence is not invincibility; it does not prevent failure. Rather, it is a belief that failure can be dealt with, a faith that a positive outcome is forthcoming, and a trust that the result is worth the risk. Confident people sometimes make mistakes, are sometimes wrong, and sometimes fail. One of the major components of confidence is the determination to pick ourselves up when we fall.
Prior performance can have a tremendous impact on confidence; it proves or disproves the need for additional preparation. Overconfident people often have experiences that fool them into having false confidence. Likewise, fearful types may have a history of crushing failures that cause them to undervalue their abilities and knowledge. But we can recover from failures and prepare ourselves for future challenges so that when they come, we can stand up with confidence and face the situation head-on.”
“False” self-confidence results from too many compliments. A child with false self-confidence stands virtually no chance of protecting themselves against a determined bully. The odds are that the bully has “True” self-confidence from bullying other kids. This is because he has succeeded so many times. True, he got it through despicable means. But the fact remains, they still have it.
Most children are not dumb. They can understand that if complimented too often, it loses its value. They have no problem understanding that compliments will not stop a bully from picking on them. That bully could not care less about how good-looking or intelligent you are. If the child does not feel a sense of “True” self-confidence. He is simply a victim waiting to happen.
A child with “true” self-confidence based upon their efforts is much harder to intimidate into putting up with a bully’s tactics. They do not feel the need to prove themselves to the bully or to anyone else. He no longer scares them.
References:
https://cmoe.com/blog/leadership-threatened-false-confidence/ Is Your Leadership Being Threatened by False Confidence? Retrieved on November 15, 2021
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